Believe

You see when Im sad I smoke a blunt to forget

But when im mad this the shit you get

No my hotline bling

No I cant sing

No I aint looking for a summer fling

I don’t believe you

Nothing is true

I don’t believe

Do you believe in the beauty of your art

Do you believe there’s love still residing in your heart

Do you believe in a chance even when shit done fell apart

Feels like mother fuckers aint appericating my art

Aint feeling the love I got within my heart

Yo I gave my love to this one cat

He left me with nothing but a prayer mat

I found out Dude was married with a seed

Then I had this one cute dude hitting me up

But he just wanted to fuck

And I wasn’t into gambling cause I aint got that type of luck

But I been tryna fuck Samson for my virginity back

Hoping I could find something I lost like can I have the innocence back?

I threw my baby dads shit out he ain’t even have to pack

I Found out he’s a hoe

And you gonna find that Ima bitch after I let all these rhymes go

I aint in love no  more

I don’t believe in love

I dont know what love is

Apparently beauty makes me rich and emotions make me poor

So I aint got shit to give you no more

Just some creative art from a broken heart

Everyone I loved is gone

my love was put for pawn

until I took that shit off the market

Love drove me in the wrong direction I had to park it

Stop calling me hun

Aint shit sweet

When you tryna sweep me off my feet

Just to

Do you believe in the beauty of your art

Do you believe there’s love still residing in your heart

Do you believe in a chance even when shit done fell apart

Feels like mother fuckers aint appericating my art

Aint feeling the love I got within my heart

Yo I gave my love to this one cat

He left me with nothing but a prayer mat

I found out Dude was married with a seed

Then I had this one cute dude hitting me up

But he just wanted to fuck

And I wasn’t into gambling cause I aint got that type of luck

But I been tryna fuck Samson for my virginity back

Hoping I could find something I lost like can I have the innocence back?

I threw my baby dads shit out he ain’t even have to pack

I Found out he’s a hoe

And you gonna find that Ima bitch after I let all these rhymes go

I aint in love no  more

I don’t believe in love

I dont know what love is

Apparently beauty makes me rich and emotions make me poor

So I aint got shit to give you no more

Just some creative art from a broken heart

Everyone I loved is gone

my love was put for pawn

until I took that shit off the market

Love drove me in the wrong direction I had to park it

Stop calling me hun

Aint shit sweet

When you tryna sweep me off my feet

Just to watch me fall on my ass

I bet you your bitch didn’t even give you a hall pass

In love I don’t trust

Love makes guns bust

Cause Love looks a lot like lust

In love I don’t believe

So fuck adam and eve

If beauty makes me rich

Then im living with luxury

If emotions make me a bitch

Then Im gonna have to be the baddest

 

 

 

 

In my Head

Tell me why I still got you on my mind

day and night

I need a reason

to forget

it’s not that easy

when you got so much to regret

12:10 AM
tell me why i still miss you, tell me every hurtful word you said was’nt true
cause i cant that shit out my head and somehow i miss you in my bed
with tears in my eyes, i miss your smile
i miss the way you make me feel when you try and go the extra mile
you love to make my cry with pleasure and pain saying you just wanted to fuck boy…
you playing with love like you got that type of luck boy
Look at me!
I look like a fool
I guess, i thought, i wanted to marry you and have some kids with you
share a life… i guess i wanted to be your wife
i mean i saw it all
like, i saw what our life could have been, right before the fall
When we was hot like summer
now i cant even give you a call
What a bummer!
Is that how people express negative feelings to sound friendly?
Well, I just feel better saying FUCK EVERYBODY!
Especially cause you telling everybody you don’t love me
and that’s why for any reason i be ready to ball
On the low though, cause I’m WOMAN I gotta stand tall
even more so cause my dreams are out of reach
I just gotta clear my head on a beach
wish you was here
instead im thinking bout…all the love, all the dreams, i guess life ain’t always what it seems
i gotta get away from the north just to find another reason to live… without you
I’m repeating every broken relationship with you
So it must be me right?
that’s what you say to me every day and every night
i made you eat the apple right? i’m the eve to your garden
i’m the stone thrown at you to make your heart harden
so, all this hate was fate
all this love was just in my head, it was just for the bed
but i still miss you
and i cant even tell myself why
but
i still love you
In my head until you come back to me
I can’t forget
It’s just not that easy for me
like it is for you
and maybe that’s why you’re moving on
and i’m still stuck in my head
waiting for you
every day and every night
but its just… all in my head every fucking word you said is just replaying in my head
who i gotta sleep with now? how do i move on? how?? do i get you out of my head? how?

 

 

feelme

Bout My Lonely

MY DREAM
Bout My Lonely

I’m bout my lonely

I been on my own

I’m bout my lonely I don’t even talk to phones

Nah, Nah

Bout my lonely i been far from home

all alone fucking with these boy toys

I GOT FUCKED !

Now i got this bundle …

of joy that breaks down into just me and my little boy

Since he was born i been raising him on my own

three years in a sinking ship

and i never felt more alone

i walked so many lonely miles

i had to teach myself to drive

its like i cant swim

but i gotta take the dive

Yea, I be in over my head

but  i’ll never learn if i never try

Nah, Nah

ALL THESE LESSONS TO LEARN

and nothing gets done if it ain’t done by i !

i’ve had so many accidents ‘n learning on my own is why
My momma used to tell me if u gotta do dirt

do it on ur own

so the only snitch i gotta worry bout is my phone

thats why i dont fuck with the jacks

i dont talk from far

Nah, Nah

long distance is wack

and i turn on on my own

busting 80 on the lonely road

Yea, Yea

cause my hearts below zero man that shits so fucking cold.la

Heartache isnt unique

The rain against my window got me feeling stuck inside

Lying in bed wide awake with a pain that cant subside

Love was so good i had to throw it on the book

Now it kill just to look

Keeping this heartache to myself all I do is think

Going through the stages of grief

Again

because this heartbreak shit isn’t unique

Facing my reality with denial, isolation, anger and depression

 

“so were breaking up?”

“You really gonna make me a single mom?”

Iight..

FUCK

Now I gotta pick up where I left off before I met you

I got no luck with love

they don’t teach you these hard knock lessons in schools

Pride got me with no one to talk to cause love got me looking like a fool

Gotta make real goals but inside my heart is torn

I gotta push and carry a newborn around just to get to where im going

I gotta get the fuck out this city and town

Being a single mom living with poverty really kept me down

My 20’s flew right past me

At least now I can finally say I let go of my childhood

And maybe now I can say I faced all the challenges that comes with womanhood

 

Now all I’m left to question is if I should sell my shit, give it away or trash it?

I let go of a lot but I see I have to get rid of all of it

All I’m meant to hold is my children and a plane ticket

 

And this is my family

Just me and my kids

I always knew this how it would be

I just didn’t want to think that this is how it should be

By the time you miss me I will be far gone somewhere with my toes in the sand

Chilling with my bitches cause I cant take shit from a man

 

Ima make my downfalls my come ups

While it hurts ‘til I die for my God me and my kids

I can’t ever give up

This heartache isnt unique

 

 

 

 

a

The sun and the moon

il_340x270.1667950468_9dxw
The heart is vunerable and hard to protect
I once read that women give love for sex
And men give sex for love(s)
I felt the cries of doves
Soon after the bees came with the birds
And then I heard
Love was the key ingredient to sex
Without that there’s no big O’s just X’s
My momma sang songs about it
She was glad to be lonely in her apartment
I heard the music sing about a thin line
Learned things beyond my time
About love and hate
Dreams and fate
Loyalty and betrayal
To win but to feel like you failed
Jesus beat death
Yet he was nailed
The freedom of imagining…
Wakes you up lying in hell
But still on earth, so I ask myself…
How can I deliver this story?
That I must tell!
Not a story of girl meets boy
But a story of heartbreak, love, misery and joy
How can I take this pain and love deeper?
How many failed relationships…
until I meet my keeper
Feel the broom being rushed under me
By my sweeper
And for once in my core
I can hear a joyful laugh i never heard before
And it will belong to me
Maybe after I let go of what must be
Because…
I feel what all artist get inspired by
Love, life and how it can make you want to die
Yet live through over and over
I know why addicts can’t stay sober
I’m one of the lucky ones
Because I have loved and lost
Like the constant changings of…
The moon and the sun.

An hour before sunrise

The sweet sound of silence before the city awakes

All you can hear is your own blood rushing

My body tosses and turns in hopes to lay still

Despite my lovers desires to kill me

I am not dead yet

So ain’t no resting in peace for me

Outside my windows the snow is pure and untouched like my Best Friend Alli

Inside here it’s muddy, used and abused

Down the street women sleep with joy in their hearts

Because I lost my loved ones

I lost from the start

As my blood rushes, my heart races

With stage fright as if this is some sort of contest

And I’m on a never ending heart breaking conquest

Living a life where my heart knows no rest

Will I enjoy the day I doubt it

And now that I know that I hate this day our good Lord has made

And with that being written

I know my karma has been paid

So I broke a couple of hearts

Probably killed a couple of souls

No I’m living with a broken heart and a crippling soul

I desire the sleep a man gets even after he cheats on his wife

I will never lie instead I am wide awake

And I will never be that fucking wife

Instead I will be the kid I never got to be

Build me a cardboard sled

And fly until I’m free

So free that I wouldn’t believe I’m laughing when I hear it

Cause don’t you know I could hear it?

As I breathe in the air that death tried to take from me

I get on my knees and thank God for this broken heart and this crippling soul

I’m alive!

And I’m so free that I can hear the peace of the city before it awakes

That’s something the devil can’t take

Maybe I already found my peace of mind

And I ain’t even have to die to get it

Good day readers xoxo

 

 

 

Just to make you mine

I’m passing through time

Found some patience yesterday

But today I could’nt put these dealy remedies away

Fighting to get off of the ground

my Loves cry

Making peace to hear the sound

Angels dont believe it’s such a curse

To pass through Earth

While I’m here searching for whats already been found

Purpose

Like ashes on the ground

Trying to get up over the jealousy

For I envy the heavens above

And adore the perfect innocent

Born to love

But I hurt you…

Why do you stay?

I got high yesterday

So I would not fall today

I intoxicate you

Yet you stay

Through time

Just to be mine!

from The Diary of Zion.

Just like a star

Screenshot_20180502-000605~2Stars fall from the sky and into your lap bleeding light into your veins and out your eyes so you can see through darkness until you can read the truth in the light and then without warning the sun will fall from the sky and the world will seem dark so you’ll have to put those stars back in the sky and believe now you will be a reason for the sparkle in someone elses eye

you loved and you let go but the world is apart of you now and you will always be a star!

Northern solider

If the world turns to ice

I will not freeze

When snow falls from the sky

I will not flake

When floods fall from above

With thunder and lightening

I will not drown

When the sun over warms the earth

I will not burn

When the winds growl and howl

With aggressive cold forces

I will not be moved

I am beyond nature

I am in control

I govern me!

Nature can not defeat me!

I defeat the forces of nature rising against

Although I may turn cold

I may have moments when I’m hot

And I know I will have to ride the wave

Cause it’s a sink or swim

Kinda life

I can go against gravity

As long as when I bend

I do not break

Which I won’t!

Cause…

The northern cold made me!

IMG_20171110_141328352